We just approved the final updates to the post-production schedule today and I still can’t believe this whole project is happening at all! A year ago this time, I would never have guessed I would have a project of this scale about to wrap. I’ve co-produced one webseries in the past (you can watch that bit of magic here. It’s called WE’RE SEEING SOMEONE and it still makes me happy) and I figured that would be my one go at producing something like that.
I felt that way largely because as much as I love the collaborative experience of creative work, I am a huge introvert. So yeah, why not invite a cast and crew of 20 people to your house every weekend to make something?
As a writer, you can snag tons of alone time while you’re working on scripts. As an actor, you actually get plenty of time by yourself while you memorize lines in a vacuum or wait around on set while the rest of the crew figures out how to set up shots. But as a producer, you are never alone, you are always talking, and it is exhausting. There’s always a schedule to discuss, a problem to solve, a concern to assuage. It’s relentless. And it goes on long before the shoot and lasts for months afterwards.
Don’t get me wrong. I like people. I actually like people a lot. I can be blunt, to the point, and I definitely suffer from Resting Bitch Face (as well as Angry Black Lady Face), but I love seeing people do what they do. I adore watching other creatives be in their element and kick ass at their callings. I am inspired when I am see people doing what makes them tick.
I just prefer to do it from afar and I don’t want to necessarily talk all about it.
When I have a ton of social time or a bunch of events in a row, I absolutely need a few days with dim lights and near silence. I am at my best when I’ve had lots of time away from people. You’ll know that I love you when I tear myself away from my very comfortable couch to be social with you on a whim. Or if I call you. On the phone. That’s… a very big deal. (But if I don’t do any of those things, don’t take it personally. I just really really need recharge time. Without it, you don’t want to see me, anyway.)
The point is, being super social is an actual challenge for me. Without that time away from the fray, I get nervous, full of anxiety, and pretty unpleasant. And I forgot that when I decided to produce this project.
I think it’s kind of like childbirth. I don’t have kids, but I hear the process by which they get outside of one’s body is quite painful. And though I’ve had many mothers tell me about the pain in great detail, they all also say that you “forget about it as soon as they hand the baby to you.” On one hand, this can’t possibly be true because it’s ridiculous. On the other hand, this must be how it goes, otherwise, we’d all be only children and the human race would die out.
Sometimes we just have to step outside of our comfort zones to pursue that which which is important to us. We have to become uncomfortable to make something that matters--whether that’s a baby or a piece of creativity.
I love being creative and I love seeing creative work come to life. Especially when it comes to life on film. And you can’t do film by yourself. A moving picture (whether it’s on actual film, for cinemas, TV, or the Internet) takes a small army. It takes a lot of passionate people coming together in exactly the right way at exactly the right time. I am so grateful for everyone who helped make this happen. They are some of the best and I’m not sure that I deserve to know them.
I’m also very tired. Very happy. Extremely proud. But very tired.
Right now, as I did after WE’RE SEEING SOMEONE wrapped, I’m telling myself that that I just don’t see how I produce like this again.
I’m probably wrong about that. We’ll see how I feel after this nap.
Please keep watching this space for more updates and behind the scenes stories from BLACK GIRL IN A BIG DRESS.
If you like what you see, please tell your friends. If you don’t like what you see, please tell people you don’t like--it’ll be a perfect way to get back at them.
You can find us:
Here at the website, www. BlackGirlinaBigDress.com